Arguing in any relationship is normal. In fact, it can even be a healthy way to get your point across and understand your partner a little better. However, it is not healthy if you both do not argue respectfully. There are so many people who might not even know what a healthy argument looks like if they saw one. Well, we have put together five rules for you to incorporate into your relationship when arguing happens.
1. Do NOT Call Your Partner Names
This is so important! Name-calling is not respectful, and you cannot take it back. Don’t let something you say in the heat of the moment affect your relationship for the long haul. Name-calling can turn the argument down the wrong road, and quickly. Stay respectful, and be careful with your words!
2. Keep the volume of your voice low
When you get worked up, it can be easy to start to raise your voice little by little, and then all of a sudden you are screaming and didn’t even realize it. Raising your voice will most likely only raise your partner’s voice, and so on and so forth until you are both screaming at each other. This is not the way to fight fair. Remember to take a deep breath, and if you need to pause the argument and resume at a later time, DO IT! Having a rational and clear head when trying to discuss something with your spouse can only be beneficial to the two of you.
3. Listen To Understand, Talk To Explain
This is a good one. An argument with your partner is between the two of you. Don’t interrupt your partner when they are talking. While listening to your partner, try to understand where they are coming from. Ask questions if you need to. When you are speaking, have your main goal be to explain your thoughts and feelings. As much as you want your spouse to understand where you are coming from, they probably want the exact same thing.
When you and your partner are both in a good headspace, start a discussion about how you could improve the way you argue. Create your own rules for when you argue. Write down what rules you both agree on and set for fighting fair.
Having this discussion will ensure you both are on the same page for what the boundaries are when you argue next time.
*If you find you are still having trouble fighting fair, our experts can help you! Find an expert and book an appointment with one here.