When talking about sex it is important to note that it is more than just a physical response to connecting with your partner. Emotions also have an important role in sexual performance. Intimacy allows for cultivating a deep emotional connection with your partner. However, sometimes we can be faced with difficulties in the bedroom that hinder the connection due to our own insecurities, fear of rejection, self-defeating and distracting thoughts due to past failures with achieving orgasm and inducing an orgasm for your partner. This causes stress to your mind that leads to a lack of excitement needed for arousal. This my friends is called sexual performance anxiety. Other causes of performance anxiety include issues within the relationship, lack of effective communication to appropriately articulate needs, concerns with premature ejaculation, and negative body image. Once our bodies are triggered with worry, stress hormones are released that physiologically interfere with obtaining an erection by restricting enough blood flow to maintain the erection, lack of natural lubrication in a woman and physical desire is diminished. These factors are not conducive to initiating sexual intercourse and proceeds to start a vicious cycle of fear of not being able to perform that consumes your state of mind and body. Here I will provide several tips for overcoming sexual performance anxiety.
Seek out a sex therapist –
A sex therapist can utilize modalities to treat performance anxiety by assisting in helping to regain control and explore sources of cognitive distortions that have influenced your perspectives of your performance. This includes cognitive behavior therapy that teaches cognitive mindfulness, breathing and relaxation techniques, increasing sensory tolerance, and reframing. Sensate focus is also a technique sex therapist implement to assist with performance anxiety. This technique teaches you how to connect with the senses and focus on your partner rather than your thoughts.
Open communication –
Being open with your partner can help ease some worries and find solutions together that can strengthen the connection. It will also provide the opportunity to explore emotional responses to provoke feeling them and processing them together to heal from them.
Pursuing intimacy needs without sexual intercourse –
Initiating intimacy in other ways is another avenue to physically explore and have pleasure with your partner without the pressure of performing sexually. This may be done by kissing and touching, cuddling, sensual massage, pleasing each other with masturbation, and taking a nice bath together.
Being more in tune –
In order to distract from your negative thoughts, it is essential to being in tune with your partner during sexual intercourse or if engaging in foreplay before intercourse. This requires turning your focus on your partner and first understanding their wants and needs which involves open communication. Once this is mastered focusing on your partner body language, facial expressions that validates pleasure is being achieved, expressive gestures like moaning, heavy breathing, passionate talk, how they touch you and their reaction to how you touch them are all different ways to be in tune and focused on you partner to diminish anxious thoughts. In other words, Sensate focused.
Use Imagination to stimulate senses by utilizing external distractions –
This allows you to take your mind off the anxiety and focus on external distraction rather than internal (inner thoughts) This can be done by listening to explicit or romantic music, watching a sexy romance movie, playing sex games and naughty talk to spark imagination and fantasy to get things going.
Engaging in physical activities can reduce stress levels. In addition, you can incorporate Kegel exercise to strengthen muscle in the pelvic region to increase blood flow to maintain erection, increase ejaculatory timing, and increase sexual sensation and arousal for better orgasm in woman.